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Date: 970925
Time: 23:55:58
I have carefully considered what I shoud write about and I feel an experience I had 13 years ago will tickle your funnybone. I joined the Army when I was 19 years old. I needed money for college as I wasted my freshman year partying. I considered myself somewhat sophisticated as I was raised in an uppermiddle class family in a rather wealthy neigborhood. After arriving at Basic Training I realized it didnt matter where I came from Uncle Sam was going to treat me like everyone else. I was assigned to guard duty out in the middle of nowhere in Missouri one evening. The temperature was 54 degrees. We werent allowed to have any fires so the only way you could warm up was to keep moving. I wore the following: underwear thermal underwear sweater fatigues cold weather shirt and pants parka and 3 pairs of gloves. At about two oclock in the morning I had a call of nature of the #2 variety. The Drill Sergeant was supposed to be there any minute to pick us up. I decided instead of using the old wooden outhouses they had for trainees I would use the Drill Sergeants latrine instead. It took me 15 minutes shed my clothes to the necessary body parts. My penis was so small from the cold that I couldnt even grab it. I failed to notice that the toilet seat in the drill sergeants latrine was stainless steel. After I sat my wet (from sweating) butt on the toilet I heard the horn from the van my drill sergeant was driving. As soon as I heard it I tried to get up. I was stuck like nobodys business. The horn kept beeping and my heart was now pounding as I wondered if I would ever get off this toilet. I managed to rub my thighs enough to warm them up until I could painfully tear my ass from the seat. I was worried my sergeant would leave me if I didnt get out there soon. I stormed out of the latrine yelling that I was coming while my pants were around my ankles. I kept running and trying to put my clothes on while trying to negotiate 32" snow drifts. When I was about 25 feet from the van I slipped on the ice on the road and slid all the way to the van hit my head on the bumper and glided under the still running Ford. My drill sergeant laughed so hard he didnt have the heart to yell at me. It took us over an hour to get back to the barracks. He laughed all the way. When we got back he woke up the other drill sergeants and made me relive the story for them. He even made me show them the perfect red imprint of the toilet seat on my bare ass. Needless to say I didnt feel very sophisticated that day.